Dear Mrs. Valenti,

Thank you for stopping me today as I was walking Grandma to dinner. Thank you very much for expressing your concern for her sparse eating habits. I need to stay and watch her pick at her dinner? What a fantastic idea. She totally listens to me when I tell her to eat. Besides, watching old people eat is hilarious, and clearly I DON'T ALREADY DIE INSIDE ENOUGH EVERY TIME I SEE HER, which is often. When you shared your earth-shattering observation with me that she needs more care, it's not like I'd just spent ten minutes showing her where the flush-handle on the toilet was, and convincing her to REALLY wash her hands, not just get her fingertips wet. Nah, I was just hanging out on the assisted living floor, not paying attention, 'cause that's what I do for fun.

All the best,
Jenifer

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Feh. If I pumped any more SSRI's into my system, I'd be too numb to do improv, and then I think my life really would suck.